believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize