i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
