What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think your dad took our porno
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
