He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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