I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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