I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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