So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize