isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
