better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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