My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
