Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
