I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Damn victory sex feels great
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
