As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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