So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
