Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
