I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
