You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
