This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
