living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
