Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
