I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
