America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
