I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
