I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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