I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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