I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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