Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will be naked everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
