My hand turned me down
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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