Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
