You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
