I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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