Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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