I'd wear matching sweaters with you
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
