Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
