im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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