It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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