I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
