farters have to be the big spoon...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
