I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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