I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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