So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
