I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
