Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize