I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
