Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize