I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize