I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
