if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
