Too much gin, very little bucket
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
