you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
