The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just forgot I was standing up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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