Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
