Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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