She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
