I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
