so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
