Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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