I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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