Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
