I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
