He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
