SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
