I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Where is the hickey?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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