I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i think my cat just said my name.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
