I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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