I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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