her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
