We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
