i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize